Sunday, December 12, 2010

Once upon a time in a land far away...

That night I did not say the words 'I love u'.... to her
That night, that great night, oh my God....

It is as though it was yesterday.
One day to her Birthday
We were meeting after a long time and we went out to dinner
It was a cold evening...
There was a nice wind blowing and so very cool and great
I had feelings for her for about a month then but never before had I revealed it to her
We finished dinner in a restaurant and then we walked the way to the temple about a km away
She was like her usual self, chatterbox firing on all cylinders
That day I was unusually silent, that’s because, I could not speak to her properly
My heart was telling me look at her, she is just a friend to you, a pure heart with no hidden thoughts
But I was not like that, she was becoming my close friend and I could not speak to her a lot without my heart pricking me for the feelings that I had for her concealed
When we reached the temple it was like 9-9:30 at night and already very dark and cold
She was like asking me what was bugging me, she so much liked me as a friend that she was genuinely worried that something’s wrong and was asking about home, subjects and friends trying to figure out what was wrong and where
Then, we usually spent some time at the steps of the temple before returning back to our hostels
We just walked in... And settled on the steps. Then also she was like all over trying to understand what the problem was with me
Then I started talking and she stopped
She did not speak for the rest of the night
I told her that what a wonderful friend I had got and I am afraid that I could not cheat her with having some feelings for her on the inside and not pretending there is nothing at all....
I told her how when she had gone home for holidays a month back, how much I missed her and that’s when I started realizing that I was in love with her.
And in the recent times like we did not meet for a week or 10 days so and I was longing to be with her.
I told her all that I felt for her and she was just staring at the ground saying nothing.....
I talked to her till it was 10:45 time for her to go to her hostel....
She did not say a thing....
When we walked back we walked in silence, two confused souls not knowing what to do, too much confusion in them that words did not come out at all
I told her that I had told out everything in my mind and am sorry for having to hurt her, but she said she was not hurt
She was happy that I could feel better and when she was leaving, I called her back and wished her a Happy Birthday....
I walked back to my hostel in gloom not knowing what to do, for I had lost a dear friend...
I really feel that I am walking back right now????
Thoughts racing across my mind, unsure of whether I had done the right thing or not.....
We did not see each other for a few days, though we used to mail
I told her to forget about the whole thing and she told me that she would

Some days passed by, slowly, very slowly, painfully slowly.
That day we had some snacks in the evening at a roadside shop
And then she said that we would go to the temple. Well we had gone to the temple some times before that... So I found nothing curious, only that her silence was obvious and I was getting uncomfortable
We were at the temple and after giving our salutations to the deities, we settled on the steps....
That is when she started talking about the whole thing.
She told me that she never had any feelings for me.
I told her to just forget it, but there was this feeling in me that was saying that something is bound to happen that day. Then she told me that till I told her about what I was thinking she considered me as a close friend and nothing else.
Then she started asking me, if people are my home will agree to love marriage and stuff...
I said yes they would, not initially but with persuasion and when I am independent and establish a life they would def agree. I was like seeing a light in what I had taken to be a dead end.
Then, she told me that people in her house they will never tolerate that. Her family was a bit conservative
I know that she is the only child and that her parents would do any amount for her
I told her that her parents will do what is best for her and if they are shown that I am best for you then they will surely agree... I know I was stepping a bit beyond the line, but I was like a drunken man then
There was this time when she would be afraid of what her parents would say and I was comforting her that her parents would want only her happiness beyond anything else...
Finally when I felt that I was just doing too much and ruining the relationship, her life and my life, I was like telling her that. Its okay, I want to be with you than be without. And lets leave it.
She was sitting close to me on the steps outside the temple. It was around 9:30 types....
Then she like told me the sweetest thing ever and did the sweetest thing that ever happened in my life.

She gently leaned over my shoulder and said "No da, I don’t want to lose you"
That minute my heart skipped a beat and I knew that we were in love.

That was the second that I could hear the two hearts that beat as one...


My cousin could have gone to the function: 50% = 0.5
I could have refused to go to the function: 50% = 0.5
She could have skipped attending the function: 50% = 0.5 (We got introduced at the function!!!)

I traveling the subsequent weekend: 50% = 0.5
She traveling the subsequent weekend: 50% = 0.5
I taking the intercity express = (1 of 2 trains and bus) = 33% = 0.33
She taking the intercity express = (1 of 5 trains) = 20% = 0.20

I being on the same coach as Her = (1 of 10 coaches * 1 of 10 coaches) = 1% = 0.01 (Phew)
I getting down and she getting in at the same instant = (1 second of 10 minutes * 1 second of 10 minutes) = 0.0004% = 0.000004 (Yikes)

I taking courage to go and talk to her: 100% (always on the lookout) = 1

Total probability that we could have met up: 0.000000000082500
So there was a 1 in 1212,12,12,121 (1 in 1212+ crore) chance that we could have met up and still it happened.
Paulo Coelho now I believe in you!